Recently I had a 31 hour layover (that's a long time for a flight attendant) in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Woke up with the whole purpose driven, adventure seeking, heart singing feeling I have not felt in a long time, I knew it was going to be a great day. The night before when we got in from working SFO to ATL to ABQ the crew and I picked the brains of the receptionists at the hotel and they raved about the Jemez Springs area that one had even been fishing at since he was 3. It was only an hour drive, so after breakfast with a friend I stopped in a thrift store to get bundled up and went on my merry way. The first one I tried, giggly springs, was closed it was right through town though and everything seemed to shut down on Tuesdays, even the cafe I pulled into at 2 on the dot the barista was on her way out. Not letting it slow me down I contacted my friend to see if she had any other ideas, she sent me a map in the direction of Spencer springs. After driving a few miles further I found the turn off, parked in the lot meant for a couple dozen cars with only a single other and skipped towards the trailhead. After snapping a photo of the map at the entrance I realized it didn't have any of the springs, or my specific location, marked. How hard can a steaming hot springs be to find? Searching up and down trails marked and unmarked, along the river and on the out skirts, it came to my realization that I had no idea the correlating location, if any, a hot spring would have to a river. Doubling back multiple times to the same trails and same markers, the sun started to go down and with snow on the ground I did not want to be out after dark. Then I realized that my entire trek felt like a waste, the point was to soak in a hot spring and think about life but all I'd accomplished was a car rental payment, thrift store attire I'd never use again, and a long drive for nothing (and later even a ticket).
As my feelings started shifting from disappointment to frustration I took a moment to just sit and be, tracing my mind back to what I had been thinking about before this seeming catastrophe was realized; I'd been thinking about life, my career, my family, the holidays, my friends, other adventures I'd like to go on, thoughts that had been inklings and now were full blown ideas. What I had been looking for was all there along the journey.
The past year and a half I have been extremely focused on reaching a goal of finding my spark and happiness and drive again. I figured it would be a different location, doing yoga, taking more trips. It turns out all I needed was this...
To have a goal in mind and to not reach, or even get close to. This is what brings perspective. It is rarely ever about the destination. It is the journey. It's a saying we are all familiar with, tossed around like New Years confetti, especially on those seemingly endless car rides, to pacify a moment of impatience but it truly is about what you gain and lose along the journey that makes life what it is.
Jemez Springs 1.3.17